In a study conducted by the National Institute of Health (NIH), recent data suggests that being a fan of the New York Jets, New York Mets or Brooklyn Nets can cause erectile dysfunction in men. Just last year, NIH published a study concluding that fans of these teams are more likely to suffer from depression and alcoholism.

“This study comes as a surprise to no one,” claimed Regina Benjamin, U.S. Surgeon General. “Mets fans have mostly been unable to achieve an erection since 1986, while many living Jets fans cannot become aroused even mentally.”

The Surgeon General went on to suggest that men should not be fans of all three teams at once, a condition she referred to as “diminished capacity.”