Thursday, December 3, 2020

RA Dickey to bring knucklepuck to NHL

When RA Dickey wrote his bestselling autobiography "Wherever I Wind Up," not even he imagined that place would be the NHL. Starting this offseason, Dickey will work part time for the New York Islanders as the new “knucklepuck coach.”

Islanders revealed to be fake hockey team that exists only on paper

On Thursday the NHL released the shocking results of an internal investigation of the Islanders and their dismal play this season that revealed the Islanders aren't an actual team, but a piece of paper with fake names of supposed Islanders' players. The names are rather amalgamations of famous movie characters such as goalies Happy Dufresne and Forrest Potter.

With local teams playing well, New Yorkers desperately search for a new punching bag

“Well played, fundamentally sound teams are boring. They’re boring,” said one self-proclaimed New York die-hard. “What the heck am I supposed to call the radio and moan about? The Yankees pitching staff?”

Islanders to hold children’s camp to scout local young fighting talent

Islanders GM Garth Snow announced Friday at Nassau Coliseum the team would be holding youth fighting camps every weekend until the NHL season starts next month. The camp would be open admission for Long Island youth from ages 10 to 15.

New York Islanders actually a federal witness protection program

Due to the recent cutbacks in government funding, the Department of Justice revealed that it must reduce WITSEC (The Federal Witness Protection Program), most notably by disbanding the New York Islanders.

R.A. Dickey’s cell phone confiscated in wake of Anthony Weiner scandal

“They told me there was a correlation between hilarious last names and inappropriate behavior involving cell phone cameras,” said the stunned knuckler, who has not yet been charged with any wrongdoing. “I didn't even know my phone had a camera.”

After weather problems in Pittsburgh, 2012 Winter Classic no longer to be held in...

Just minutes after the NHL moved Saturday's Winter Classic back eight hours due to weather issues in Pittsburgh, commissioner Gary Bettman announced a change to the 2012 showdown, whose host city has yet to be announced.