Friday, April 12, 2024

Jets trade Tebow to Lingerie League team

A tearful Tebow told reporters at a farewell press conference, “While I’m sorry to leave the Jets, I look forward to being with my new Sin teammates and the challenge of the Lingerie-brand of pro football.”

Being a fan of Mets, Jets or Nets causes erectile dysfunction, study reveals

"This study comes as a surprise to no one," claimed Regina Benjamin, U.S. Surgeon General. "Mets fans have mostly been unable to achieve an erection since 1986, while many living Jets fans cannot become aroused even mentally."

Ryan brothers hold their own ‘Bro Bowl’ over electric football game in dad’s basement

"I guarantee I'm going to win the Bro Bowl," Rex boasted during the pregame spread of chicken wings, nachos and Budweiser. "With Mark Sanchez as my triple-threat quarterback, there's no way my hack of a brother can take me down!"

Jets lineman to IR with butt injury after boneheaded Mark Sanchez play

"Whether or not he needs a colostomy remains to be seen," Whitman said. "We are also running tests to see if Mark is suffering from concussion problems after the play."

Notre Dame has God’s attention while Tebow is on the bench in New York

This has led to an abrupt change in the NCAA landscape, with Notre Dame going from a complete joke of a program to a team that can actually be competitive with the likes of Navy.

After another bad Mark Sanchez performance, Rex Ryan annoints him ‘Starter for Life’

"First, let me just say that we expect more out of Mark," he said. "That's why I'm making him our 'Starter for Life.' We believe if we give the kid a few more decades, he could really turn heads in this league."

Sanchez asks Tillman, Briggs to play WR for Jets during Bears’ bye week

“The two have more receiving touchdowns than Calvin Johnson for crying out loud,” said an agitated Sanchez. “Surely they can catch better than Chaz Shilens and Jeremy Kerly. Hell, we already have [Antonio] Cromartie playing DB and wide receiver!”