Beleaguered New York Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez has sent word to league offices that he would like a special exemption to be put in place for week 5 of the NFL season wherein two Chicago Bears defensive players, Charles “Peanut” Tillman and Lance Briggs, be given leeway to play wide receiver for Sanchez’s own team.
“The two have more receiving touchdowns than Calvin Johnson for crying out loud,” said an agitated Sanchez. “Surely they can catch better than Chaz Shilens and Jeremy Kerly. Hell, we already have [Antonio] Cromartie playing DB and wide receiver!”
Sanchez has been plagued by horrible blocking and wide receivers. His pleas for better players have gone unanswered, and many Jets fans are now calling for backup quarterback Tim Tebow to be inserted into the lineup.
“I’m sure I’ll … er, Mark will make the best out of any situation,” said Tebow. “Of course, making the best out of this crap show is like turning water into wine … so, I guess we know who the man for that job is. Anyway, I fully support Mark.”
Tillman and Briggs could not be reached for comment. Recent media reports had the pair scheduled to appear at Jay Cutler’s private offices where the quarterback is alleged to be preparing to scold the duo for not intercepting three touchdown passes in the last three games.