Veteran White Sox announcer Ken “Hawk” Harrelson broke down in tears during a press conference recently, shamefully admitting that his whole career had been a sham.

“In my 53 years in Major League Baseball, I have never witnessed a bigger scam brought on the fans than that of my own career,” said Harrelson. “I mean let’s face it, I was a .231 hitter, I corked my bat one season and hit 35 home runs, I got someone to actually publish a book I wrote about myself, got two teams to hire me as an announcer, and, for the love of God, had an owner hire me as a GM. And as we all know by now, I’m not even qualified to pluck chickens at Tyson Foods in Georgia.”

When questioned about the incident, Harrelson’s on-air partner, Steve Stone, said it might have been the result of the disappointing end to the 2012 season taking its final toll on the veteran announcer.

“Or it could have been the umps once again,” said Stone. “Hawk doesn’t really like those guys.”

John F