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As John Calipari readied his top-ranked Wildcats for March Madness, the oft-maligned Kentucky coach took a few minutes to reflect on the hard work and dedication that's gotten him where he is today.

“My staff and I were sitting around wondering when the 2030 class of freshmen would be available for recruiting," said the coach. "Then it hit us. Why have an age restriction? And even more, why can’t we recruit a player as early as possible?”

“The portrayal was absolutely uncanny, and we all loved the part of the performance where they didn’t cross midfield until the game was virtually over," said one senior official of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. "At certain times it was hard to believe that we weren’t watching the actual Rams offense out there.”

The University of Miami police, a perennial Top 25 campus police force according to the Associated Police and the Harris Policeman Polls, was rocked by the news that it must vacate all of its arrests between 2002 to 2010.

Following a record-breaking debut by rookie QB Cam Newton Sunday, the Carolina Panthers were rocked by allegations that Cam's father Cecil Newton sought substantial sums of money in return for his son playing for a major professional team.