The University of Miami police, a perennial Top 25 campus police force according to the Associated Police and the Harris Policeman Polls, was rocked by the news that it must vacate all of its arrests between 2002 to 2010. Miami mayor Tomas Regalado issued this verdict as The Miami Herald investigated Ponzi schemer Nevin Shapiro’s relationship with “The U.”

According to reports, the resurgence of the Miami football program can be attributed to Shapiro spending nearly $2 million to support Cane football players, including current NFL players Kellen Winslow, Vince Wilfork, and Willis McGahee. University President Donna Shalala conducted an internal investigation into campus security and recommended that the police unit forfeit all arrests stemming from Canes football victories, including ones against in-state rival Florida State and BCS Orange Bowls.

Ms. Shalala’s recommendation limited the forfeiture of arrests to fraternities and the bars in downtown Coral Gables. However, Mayor Regalado imposed “the death penalty” on the Miami campus police, forcing it to vacate all arrests made during the Shapiro period, especially that one time when then-City Commissioner Regalado, Shapiro, and current Chicago Bear Devin Hester “made dollar bills rain at Club Pink Pussycat,” a local gentleman’s club.

Despite the setback and the loss of 9 full-time police officers, the Miami campus police vowed to crack the Top 5 in law enforcement.

“We’re recruiting in Miami, Tallahassee, and Gainesville,” Chief of Police Larry Engles vowed. “Mark my words. We’ll be better than the Gator Police and the Seminole Security in no time.”

GothamScribe