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Think you're a real Cubs fan? Okay, let's see you name all six of these guys from the 1994 squad that finished last in the NL Central with a strike-shortened record of 49-64.

“Do I buy my kids Christmas gifts this year or renew my tickets and get fired up to see 81 games of Jeff Baker as our new starting third baseman?” said season-ticket holder Kevin Thomas. “It’s a tough choice, but if the Cubs bring back Larry Himes as GM, it might sway my decision.”

"What people don't realize is that each version of 'All My Rowdy Friends' is steeped in the mystical world of the occult," said Williams, Jr. "If it weren't for the ritualistic sacrifices I perform, I wouldn't have the energy or creative ability to come up with a different version every week for 20 years."

Less than a week after Steve Smith scorched his team yet again for eight catches and 181 yards, Bears head coach Lovie Smith announced Calvin Johnson is this week’s top receiver the Bears plan to completely ignore on defense.

The Milwaukee Brewers issued a statement following their 8-1 NLDS Game 3 loss to Arizona that attributed the presence of Craig Counsell on the team's playoff roster to an unfortunate clerical error.

“I invented the All Defense Offense,” Ryan declared. “I won a Super Bowl ring with the All Defense Offense. I made it work in Baltimore, and I can make it work here."

Carl Weathers, master thespian and former Oakland Raider, watches every NFL game from his man cave to compile his weekly Power Rankings. Mr. Weathers, despite playing in only 8 NFL games, was elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 1980.