Theo deal nearly complete as Cubs throw in Bartman to Red Sox
"After running [manager Terry] Francona and Theo out of town, we need a new scapegoat for future failures of the franchise," said Henry. "We all know it can't be me, because I just write the checks and take in the glory when we when. Someone's got to take the blame when we lose."
Native Michiganders unaware rest of nation doesn’t care about Michigan-Michigan State game
"Seriously? I thought every American was pumped up for today's big game," said Torensen, who now lives in Chicago. "I mean, c'mon. No. 11 vs. No. 23. This is the stuff that dreams are made of."
Rest of offense so useless, Forte doesn’t realize he is practicing by himself
Bears running back Matt Forte spent three hours alone on a practice field Friday, imagining he was taking hand-offs and reading blocks from teammates who weren't really there.
Aramis refuses to ‘do the hustle’ at friend’s wedding
According to an eyewitness report from the Dominican Republic, Cubs third baseman Aramis Ramirez doesn't hustle on or off the field.
Bears vow to get off the bus false starting
“When we get off the bus, we’re going to do so before the bus driver is even ready to let us off the bus,” said Lovie Smith. “If JaMarcus moves too early and gets jammed in the doorway and cripples our ability to function, so be it."
Martz’s headset radio actually playing nothing but Air Supply
“We’ve tried to get him to only listen to music when we’re on defense,” said diminutive quarterbacks coach Shane Day. “But he doesn’t listen, he just pumps up 'All Out of Love' and won’t give us a play till the song is over.
Thibodeau spending lockout in crawlspace yelling at game film
Chicago Bulls head coach Tom Thibodeau hasn't left the 200-square-foot crawlspace in his Chicago home since the NBA lockout was officially announced.
