Chicago Bulls head coach Tom Thibodeau hasn’t left the 200-square-foot crawlspace in his Chicago home since the NBA lockout was officially announced. While other coaches have found ways to keep themselves busy, Thibodeau has been watching game film on a 1973 projector screen, screaming loudly and sweating profusely.

“I initially thought Coach Thibodeau was just having a lady friend over when I was hearing his hoarse yelps of ‘Rotate! Rotate!’ and ‘Slow it down! Slow it down!'” said Thibodeau’s neighbor, Tom Jensen. “But then I started hearing things like, ‘Dunk the damn ball, Noah!’ and ‘God, I wish Pax would just get me a [expletive deleted] shooting guard!'”

Jensen said he was able to access Thibodeau’s house with the spare key that the head coach lent him. When he knocked on the crawlspace door Thibodeau screamed, “Is the lockout over yet?” When Jensen told him the bad news, Thibodeau screamed gibberish and told his neighbor to stay away unless he’s there to tell him the lockout has ended.

“It’s scary living next door to him,” said Jensen. “My kids aren’t sleeping, my wife moved out. But as long as Thibodeau can get the Bulls past those D-bags in Miami, it will be worth it.”

By Seamus Brennan

Seamus Brennan