Breaking!

"With Brian gone, I have to be the new face of the franchise," said Cutler. "And [GM Phil] Emery told me to smile more. So as a true leader, I took it upon myself to get Botox injections. I'm that committed to this team."

Final Four voting starts Friday AM on The Heckler’s Facebook page. These last two match-ups are going to be intense so get in on the voting right away.

The mighty have fallen! No. 1 seed Daniel Sedin was bounced Wednesday by No. 8 Hawk Harrelson 62% to 38% and No. 7 Raffi Torres crushed No. 2 AJ Pierzynski 78% to 22%. Will the Cinderellas continue to dance today?

"During my 10 years in office, I've never hesitated to make known my opinions on how the Cubs should be run, even if those opinions made no sense at all," said Tunney. "Today I'm finally calling on Tom Ricketts and his family to just hand over day-to-day control of the club to me so I can do with it whatever I please."

"Man, it sucks to get pushed out of bounds really hard," said Jacksonville RB Maurice Jones-Drew. "Sometimes you plow into people and have a nasty collision. It turns out football can be a pretty violent sport and it's about time the owners took on such a serious topic."

Day 2 of The Heckler's D-Bag Madness Tournament brought about the closest contest in the illustrious two-day history of the competition as No. 8 Hawk "Heinybird" Harrelson nudged No. 9 Lance "I'll destroy you if you tell the truth about me" Armstrong by the slimmest of margins, winning 51% to 49%. Mercy!

"Rosemont can be home to more than sprawling office parks, rampant corruption and extremely low-flying 747s," said Stephens. "It can also be home to Major League Baseball."