After years of trying to dictate the Cubs’ every move, Wrigleyville Alderman Tom Tunney today suggested that the team just go ahead and hand over all of its operations to him, seeing as he clearly knows what’s best for the club.

“During my 10 years in office, I’ve never hesitated to make known my opinions on how the Cubs should run their business, even if some of those opinions make no sense at all,” said Tunney. “Today I’m finally calling on Tom Ricketts and his family to just hand over day-to-day control of the club to me so I can do with it whatever I please.”

Tunney said once the Cubs were under his control, he would refer to himself as “Supreme Lord of Wrigley Field” and focus the majority of his efforts on what he called “preserving the integrity and view of the game from Wrigley Field’s neighboring rooftops, which are all anyone should care about anyway.”