Golden State coach says Festus Ezeli greatest center since Bill Russell
“Ezie’s potential to be an even better player than Russell is unbelievable. The kid didn’t even know what a basketball was until he was 15 years old and now he is on the verge of stardom,” Jackson said of the Nigerian-born pivot man.
Cubs pitcher Ed Jackson allowed to go back to ‘Edwin’ after getting first victory
"Man, it had gotten so bad that Dale [Sveum] was having all my teammates call me Edlose until I won my first game," said Edwin/Ed/Edlose.
Chris Bosh denies being a velociraptor, tells reporters ‘NEEEYAHHHHH’
Bosh was clearly upset at the report, viewing it as an insult toward his general appearance and gangliness. He spoke long and eloquently at a press conference to deny these rumors, telling reporters, "NEEEYAHHHH, SCREEE SCREEE AYIYIYIYI NEEEUGHHH."
FTD Mother’s Day Special: ‘Derrick’ Rose Bouquet with guaranteed delivery by Mother’s Day 2014
"The awaited return of Derrick Rose has left an entire city in giddy suspense," said FTD Operations Manager Jeffrey Williams. "We thought with all that hype, why not bypass the predictable Mother's Day flower delivery and give Mom the gift of prolonged anticipation."
Ailing Deng to play in hospital gown Friday night
"Yeah, I'm not feeling well, but I need to be out there with my teammates no matter what," said Deng. "Watching the last four games from a hospital bed while writhing in pain has really sucked."
Hossa purposely avoids scoring third goal due to irrational fear of hats
"It's an odd case," said Hossa's physician Hubert Latro. "Throughout counseling he would wear a hat without issue. As soon as I threw a stack of hats onto the table he would shrivel up and shout 'bad hats, bad hats!' and nearly faint."
Fed up with Wrigley restrictions, Ricketts to move Cubs to international waters
"In 2014, the Cubs will play all home games on a floating entertainment complex approximately 200 miles off the coast of Virginia," said Ricketts.
