Miami Heat power forward Chris Bosh approached the media recently to deny reports positing that he is not a human being, but rather a velociraptor; a genus of dromaeosaurid theropod dinosaur that was thought to have died out approximately 75 million years ago.

Bosh was clearly upset at the report, viewing it as an insult toward his general appearance and gangliness. He spoke long and eloquently at a press conference to deny these rumors, telling reporters, “NEEEYAHHHH, SCREEE SCREEE AYIYIYIYI NEEEUGHHH.”

Bosh made a point to say that, though some might find it humorous to call him a dinosaur, he is a human being with feelings and emotions, and that the accusations are quite hurtful. He passionately made this point when he stated, “EEEEEEEMMM BRRRREAHHHHH AYYYYYYYNNNN.” He then paused for a moment to regain his composure before offering a closing remark of a cackled, “BURRR.”

By Jeff GoodSmith

Jeff GoodSmith