NHL

An earlier game of the Penguins-Flyers playoff series featured 158 penalty minutes, four ejections, superstars Sidney Crosby and Claude Giroux dropping gloves. Facing the possibility of a first round elimination, the Penguins called for reinforcements by adding Steelers Pro Bowl LB James Harrison to their roster.

NHL fans were again shocked by the actions of head disciplinarian Brendan Shanahan after he tacked four games onto Andrew Shaw's controversial three-game suspension for the brutally dirty hit Raffi Torres laid on Marian Hossa Tuesday night.

"Wait, did you say Shea?" Shanahan asked, referring to Nashville Predators superstar Shea Weber, who was not suspended for slamming an opponent's player into the glass. "My bad. I thought he was a nobody! Guys like Shea are held to a totally different standard."

The city of Vancouver is taking the unusual precaution of spraying flame retardant chemicals on its entire downtown area should the city's unruly citizens react violently if the Canucks are swept out of the playoffs by the Kings Wednesday night.

"I didn't mean nothing by it," said Guillen. "I had some time on my hands during this suspension and decided to grow a mustache like one of my favorite athletes, Michael Jordan. I didn't know people would think I grew it to be like Adolf [expletive deleted] Hitler."

Vlade Divac has been away from the game for many years now, but he is always looking for talented individuals to teach the art of flopping, which he has mastered. It's no surprise that he was very impressed with Coyotes goalie Mike Smith's performance Saturday night of "man getting shot in back after brushing face into another player," that he has recruited Smith to teach others in Vlade Divac's School of Flopping.

Impressed by the Coyotes' goaltender's flopping performance Saturday night against Chicago, the Vancouver Canucks acquired Mike Smith from Phoenix in exchange for goaltender Robert Luongo and a conditional draft pick.