NFL

This Halloween, immortalize your favorite (or least favorite) sports personality by carving them into a Jock-O-Lantern!

"First, let me just say that we expect more out of Mark," he said. "That's why I'm making him our 'Starter for Life.' We believe if we give the kid a few more decades, he could really turn heads in this league."

Carl Weathers, master thespian and former Oakland Raider, watches every NFL game from his man cave to compile his weekly Power Rankings exclusively for Heckler readers. Despite playing in only 8 NFL games, he was elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 1980.

“Did you see Nubie out there after Jay got flattened by Suh?” Tice said, referring to the quick actions of team physician Dr. Gordon Nuber. “While Jay was coughing up a rib and repositioning his spleen, Suh walked over to I presume stomp on Jay’s throwing hand or something. But Nubie moved in between and blocked him off. It was beautiful.”

"He completely destroyed Megatron," said Goodell while reviewing concussion reports. "Hence, his new name is Optimus Prime."

Ndamukong Suh admitted Tuesday he was trying to kill Jay Cutler with his vicious hit Monday night.

In the Bears 13-7 victory over the Lions, Cutler was seen laughing and smiling with other players, including members of his offensive line, who were responsible for the horrific sack which nearly knocked him out of the game.