In the wake of the Bears decimating shutdown of the Lions offense on Monday Night Football, Commissioner Roger Goodell has ordered that Bears defensive back, Charles “Peanut” Tillman officially change his name to Optimus Prime.
“He completely destroyed Megatron,” said Goodell while reviewing concussion reports. “Hence, his new name is Optimus Prime.”
The NFL plans on flipping the name change into cash as it reshapes its image to match the release of the new Transformers movie, “Rise of the Head Trauma”–yet another way the NFL plans to make more money than the GDP of Japan.
Goodell is attempting to think of other name changes or means of flipping profit. Rumor has it the Lombardi Trophi will be renamed “The Allspark Cup” and the name “Megatron” may be stripped from Lions wide receiver, Calvin Johnson and given to a more deserving villain like J.J. Watt.
“Megatron’s a bit much for Calvin, these days.” said Goodell. “I’m thinking he’s more of a ‘Bumblebee’ now.”