MLB

"I've taken him under my wing since he arrived," said Ramirez, who is trying to teach Castro the art of loafing while making it seem like he's trying his hardest. "I've become quite adept at giving the impression that I care and I'm trying my best."

Soriano could be seen being approached by one or even a small group of women. And who was in the stroller to attract these ladies? “Tony Campana, man,” said Soriano. “Dude is a complete magnet for chicks.”

“Bobby is very insightful and he can see things from the press box that I can’t see in the dugout, like my players loafing after fly balls, dogging it to first, or eating sunflower seeds while in the field,” said Quade. “Considering that only one or two of my managing decisions this year have actually worked, I’m happy to defer all decision-making to him for the remainder of the season.”

“My doctor told me if I had become the Cubs manager I would either have an ulcer the size of a nectarine or would be completely bald right now," said Brenly. "On second thought, both of those sound more appealing than being manager of the Cubs.”

In a shocking move Monday, Mets outfielder Lucas Duda asked manager Terry Collins if he could be demoted from the big-league club down to its Triple-A affiliate Buffalo Bisons due to a lack of fans at Citi Field. This is the first time a a player has never before asked for a demotion from the majors to the minors.

Tribune Cubs beat reporter Paul Sullivan reported that Wells claims his account was hacked and thus the deletion of it. Wells asked that people ignore the final tweet from the account which read “All you hatred slash bloggers go to bed. Jim Hendry is a great man! That's all he should be judged on!"

Sportscaster Joe Buck was recently one of the highest trending Twitter subjects, and was therefore validated as inexplicably relevant for a period of time.