Region

The rich are getting richer. Fresh off of a conference title and a No. 1 ranking leading up to the college football playoff, Alabama is adding another strong, and somewhat controversial figure to their coaching staff.

President Obama issued the executive order only after exhaustive peace talks between the fraternity brothers and the Texas A &M stand-out QB broke down at the last possible minute. When pressed by the Associated Press about the strong possibility of a nuclear option, President Obama responded that “All options were on the table.”

"Well, thankfully they're the same colors, I don't have to waste time shopping. Ain't nobody got time for that," said Bielema. "It's an SEC school, so who cares if they've become even more of a joke while I'm there? I'd rather be a loser in the SEC than a winner by default in the Big Ten."

After a devastating loss to the University of Louisiana-Monroe Saturday, the Arkansas Razorbacks took an unprecedented tumble in the national rankings. The light of a new day showed that the team, ranked eighth just days earlier, had fallen completely out of the Bowl Championship Series. They had landed in the sports twilight zone once known as "Division II.”

"This is the South," said a clearly shaken Long. "We expect our leaders to be able to do certain things, and handling a motorcycle with someone who's not your wife on the back is certainly one of them. I get sick to my stomach every time I read an article that says Coach Petrino 'laid down his motorcycle' after he lost control. What the hell is that?"

The University of Miami police, a perennial Top 25 campus police force according to the Associated Police and the Harris Policeman Polls, was rocked by the news that it must vacate all of its arrests between 2002 to 2010.

Following a record-breaking debut by rookie QB Cam Newton Sunday, the Carolina Panthers were rocked by allegations that Cam's father Cecil Newton sought substantial sums of money in return for his son playing for a major professional team.