Arkansas athletic director Jeff Long fired football coach Bobby Petrino Tuesday, citing the severe embarrassment Petrino has caused Razorback fans and the entire SEC.

“This is the South,” said a clearly shaken Long. “We expect our leaders to be able to do certain things, and handling a motorcycle with someone who’s not your wife on the back is certainly one of them. I get sick to my stomach every time I read an article that says Coach Petrino ‘laid down his motorcycle’ after he lost control. What the hell is that?”

Arkansas officials were busy trying to Photoshop released pictures of the accident in which a back rest on the back of the seat is clearly visible.

“This isn’t the image we want for our university,” said Long. “You can get away with a lot in the SEC, but not being able to ride a motorcycle is the kind of thing that gets you thrown out on your ass.”