Friday, September 30, 2022

That one Cardinals fan living in Chicago absolutely insufferable after Blues’ Game 1 victory

The Cardinals fan in question has been spotted approaching complete strangers while saying things like, "Tough loss for you guys last night, huh?" and, "You have to admit, from an outsiders perspective, that was a pretty great win for the Blues, wasn't it?"

Howie Long admits Kyle has always been his favorite son

"I hope Kyle kicks Chris's butt," said Howie. "I've always liked Kyle more. He's just like me, only without the crappy movies like the ones I did. Chris is more like that comedian on Fox's pregame show ... lame and no talent."

Concussions and ACL injuries force NFL tacklers to focus on the balls

"Shots to the knees shorten careers while headhunting leads to long-term CTE issues," said NFLPA executive director DeMaurice Smith. "But your testicles? What's the worst that can happen, low sperm count?"

Conflicted nation can’t decide if they’d rather root against Red Sox or Cardinals

After a Shane Victorino grand slam sent the Boston Red Sox to face the St. Louis Cardinals in the World Series, the nation collectively breathed a frustrated sigh as they tried to determine which of the two teams they disliked the least.

Cardinals fan in office now just pissing everyone off

Many cited Franklin's 30-minute water cooler speech complaining about "Puig's showboating" as the breaking point, as well as his tendency to respond to any negative comment about the Cardinals by angrily shouting, "Oh yeah, well when's the last time YOUR team won the series, huh? 2011 for me, baby!"

Cardinals’ top draft pick projected to be starting pitcher in 2013 NLCS

Asked if he thought he was being somewhat presumptuous for predicting an NLCS appearance for his team as early as June, Matheny said, “Are you kidding me? Last I checked, we were in the same division as the Cubs, Brewers and Pirates.”

Panic-stricken Lance Berkman buys 26 crates of Twinkies

"Of course I'm sad, but the time to grieve will be later," said Berkman. "Right now, it's all about the hoarding."