Pennsylvania

“We went with Parrot because he won’t scare kids away, like Captain Jolly possibly might,” said the team's head of marketing.

Just days after announcing a new endorsement deal with Mike Vick, Nike has launched a controversial new print campaign tackling the football star's dog-fighting problems head on.

After defending National League Cy Young Winner Roy Halladay was forced to leave his start Monday night in the fifth inning at Wrigley Field, Cubs manager Mike Quade declared that Excessive Heat would be penciled in his starting lineup for the duration of the homestand.

After winning the NL MVP Award and nearly leading the Phillies to the Wild Card last season, Ryan Howard hit it big--sort of--when he signed a one-year deal that will reportedly pay him $900,000 in 2007. Not exactly big money for a guy who hit 58 HRs last year, but Howard, a baseball visionary since his high school days in Lafayette, Mo., is setting his sights on bankrupting the Phillies by 2012.

After receiving the second $100 million contract of his career, Philadelphia Eagles QB Michael Vick celebrated by spending a night on the town, where he attending an especially atrocious display of cockfighting in the back room of a Philadelphia warehouse.

“It’s not because Michael doesn’t deserve it, and we understand that trash talk is part of our game,” Goodell said. “Every Vick dog pun has been said, so save yourself the embarrassment. And stop with the damn Rex Ryan foot-fetish jokes too while you’re at it.”

The NHL has struggled for years to become more popular with Americans, and with Monday's announcement they will cross promote stars with cable giant HBO, they may have found their opportunity.