Roger Goodell has heard enough Michael Vick dog jokes to last a lifetime and he’s had enough. On his weekly radio broadcast, the strict disciplinarian announced he will suspend any player one game if they are heard making a Michael Vick dog-fighting joke.
“It’s not because Michael doesn’t deserve it, and we understand that trash talk is part of our game,” Goodell said. “Every Vick dog pun has been said, so save yourself the embarrassment. And stop with the damn Rex Ryan foot-fetish jokes too while you’re at it.”
The Eagles have been a disappointment thus far with a 1-2 record. The self-anointed “Dream Team” took a major blow when Vick broke his non-throwing hand Sunday against the Giants, prompting some hecklers to ask if it was his “dog drowning” hand.
“I did my time, and I’m truly remorseful for my actions,” said the visibly upset QB. “I know people are gonna get on my case, but damn, at least try to be clever with it. I’ve heard that one a million times.”
The mandate was not only aimed at NFL players and employees, amateur comedians in the crowd could also face ejections for corny jokes at Vick’s expense.
New York comedy writers have been hired as extra security at MetLife Stadium for the Week 11 matchup against the Eagles. They will be asked to rate fan signs on a scale of 1 to 10, anyone below a 5 will be forced to leave the stadium immediately and audition to write for Saturday Night Live.
“I don’t know, that seems a little rough,” said Chris Fiorita, a diehard Giants fan. “Ya get it, rough!? Make sure you spell it r-u-f-f, ya know, like a dog would say.”