Yankees

"This is awesome!" exclaimed a baseball writer from New York. "I cannot freaking wait until I get the chance to make a statement and not vote for A-Rod. Sure, it will be muddled by all the other statements I'm making about players and the steroid era in general, but whatever."

Two of the most maligned figures in sports are linking up, but it probably won't get them anywhere.

Team management is said to be thrilled to now have exceeded the payroll of the Dodgers, who last year surpassed the economies of Mexico, Spain and Australia for the 12th spot on the list of countries ranked by GDP.

Justin Verlander has arranged something that is likely to trump what any other team has given Jeter: swimsuit super model Kate Upton.

New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez issued a hand-written apology to Yankee fans, the Steinbrenner family and his teammates for having dated plastic surgery-ridden, post-menopausal pop star Madonna.

We’ve done some highly detailed and deep research dives into what that annual salary is worth more than.

“If you can’t trust the President to provide Americans with sound, honest, fact-based advice, who can you trust? Plus, we need to do our part to juice the economy,” said Manfred. “Churches are going to be packed on Easter Sunday morning, and we’re going to pack Yankee Stadium with 60,000 screaming fans later that afternoon. It’s going to be great.”