Major League Baseball is “raring to go” and has heeded the guidance of President Trump to get people back to work, setting Easter Sunday, April 12, as Opening Day. Ignoring the feedback of immunologists and other medical professionals everywhere, MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred has asked all team personnel to report to their practice facilities by this Sunday for an abbreviated Spring Training.

“If you can’t trust the President to provide Americans with sound, honest, fact-based advice, who can you trust? Plus, we need to do our part to juice the economy,” said Manfred. “Churches are going to be packed on Easter Sunday morning, and we’re going to pack Yankee Stadium with 60,000 screaming fans later that afternoon. It’s going to be great.”

Added Manfred: “If a few thousand of those fans and dozens of their loved ones and friends wind up in the ICU of an overcapacity hospital a week or two later, so be it.”

Cubs All-Star shortstop Javier Baez is one player excited to return to the baseball diamond.

“For the last month, all I’ve been able to think about is home run, home run, home, run,” said Baez. “I just hope I can swing the bat with power in the protective bubble uniform I’m going to be wearing.”

Jeremy Barewin