Jets

Earlier this week, the NYPD officially raised their threat alert to the heightened red level when they learned that Plaxico Burress signed with the Jets and will remain in the New York area.

“I’ve narrowed my choice to a few teams in the AFC East and NFC East. I consider the San Francisco Metro area a dark-horse. Of course, Dallas came in with a strong push,” said Pryor, who is now sporting a new, complimentary “Tressel Can Lick My Balls”-tattoo from Fort Worth Ink and Piercing.

“I’m 24, she’s 16,” said Sanchez. “That’s close enough, right? We can still get down.” When Sanchez’ lawyers confirmed that the age of consent in New Jersey is indeed 16, Sanchez replied, “Sweeeet.”

"That right there is the [expletive deleted] Plaxico Burress we all know and love," said Jets head coach Rex Ryan. "See. He's not some dumb [expletive deleted] who walks around with a gun in his sweat pants. He's the greatest receiver ever and that catch proves it."

Will Amar’e Stoudemire make the jump from worst supporting knees to best supporting actor? Do A-Rod and Tex have what it takes to crack the Hollywood elite? Can Michael Strahan sink a jump shot? Judging from this week’s episode of “Entourage,” the answer to these questions seems to be a resounding, “Yes.”

Since his hire, Rex Ryan has made more controversial comments than any other NFL coach, and has never shown an ounce of remorse—until now. At his pre-game press conference Saturday, Ryan announced he would be turning over a new leaf.

The Jets’ Antonio Cromartie is one of the most electric cornerbacks in the NFL. He’s also the league’s most fertile man. In an effort to remain close to his children, Cromartie announced a plan to buy a Pop Warner team for them to play on together.