As part of a new promotion for Jets’ season tickets holders, Mark Sanchez has agreed to take your sister to her homecoming dance.
“I’m 24. She’s 16,” said Sanchez. “That’s close enough, right? We can still get down.”
When Sanchez’ lawyers confirmed that the age of consent in New Jersey is indeed 16, Sanchez replied, “Sweeeet.”
Sanchez plans to pick your sister up in his Hummer, a vehicle he refers to as “the bone dome.” According to Sanchez, your sister might be familiar with his vehicle from a recent episode of MTV’s Cribs.
“The bone dome is tight,” explained Sanchez. “The back seat folds down into a bed. I’ve got mirrors on the ceiling. There’s a full wet bar.”
Sanchez’ lawyers interrupted the interview to state for the record that the wet bar would be stocked with soft drinks only.
“Riiiight” agreed Sanchez. “Soft drinks. Like Four Loko.”
When asked about his favorite type of dance, Sanchez was perplexed.
“I’m not really focused on going to the dance, per se,” said Sanchez. “I’m more about the VIP party in ‘the bone dome.’ One thing is for sure: That guy’s sister is going to have the time of her life. Hopefully she’ll bring some of her girlfriends along for the ride.”
When reporters tried to reach your sister for comment, you punched them in the face and told them to get away from your home. Your sister, however, seemed excited and her friends confirmed that she is “a total slut.”