Earlier this week, the NYPD officially raised their threat alert to the heightened red level when they learned that Plaxico Burress signed with the Jets and will remain in the New York area.

“It’s a standard precautionary measure,” said Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly. “We’re familiar with this particular crime element and have years of experience dealing with this kind of problem. I would just urge everyone in the tri-state area to stay alert. If you see something, say something, especially when patronizing nightclubs frequented by NFL players.”

When confronted with the news, Burress, was not pleased.

“Come on, now!” cried Mr. Burress. “I did my time. I’m not a terrorist, man! This really isn’t funny anymore.”

Jets owner Woody Johnson echoed Burress’ sentiments.

“Plaxico was at one time one of the best receivers in the NFL, and we’re happy to have him,” said Johnson. “So maybe he shot some people? What’s the big deal? As an owner, I’m focused on what’s important: Beating the Patriots. Brady’s got Ochocinco on offense and Haynesworth on defense. Things are not looking good for the Jets. If we’re going to have a winning season, we need winning players. If they want to shoot someone on their own time, who am I to stop them? As long as they don’t get caught until after the post-season, it’s none of my concern.”

Wompah Keiner