Breaking!

With NBA basketball now on the horizon, the Blackhawks will no longer be the lone tenants of the United Center. Several members of the team have been using the Bulls locker room as a junk closet this season and will soon have to make critical decisions concerning some of their stuff.

There’s a new A-Rod in town and his name is Aaron Rodgers. Alex Rodriguez has been legally forced to stop calling himself by his famous moniker, after a judge awarded the trademark to the Super Bowl champion QB.

Jets GM Mike Tannenbaum decided he had enough of the drama and bickering between the Rex Ryan and Mark Sanchez and sent them to famed sports therapist Dr. Charles Johansen, to repair the relationship between coach and quarterback.

"Everyone knows 82 games is far too many, but 66 is still too long of a season," said ESPN basketball analysis Chris Broussard. "A 36-game season would be perfect."

While rumors have been swirling of Ohio State’s reported hiring of Urban Meyer as their next head football coach, Big Ten rival Penn State followed up by announcing the hire of Meyer’s younger (and lesser known) brother Rural Meyer.

Outside the Chiefs media room, Kyle Orton looked distraught as he wondered aloud to his agent David Dunn which jersey he would wear when he gets the nod for Canton.

"The truth is that aerosol cans with white paint are simply becoming too expensive for our organization to constantly buy and use," said GM Sandy Alderson at his home on Friday. "School chalk is so much cheaper and we already have some from the chalkboard in the clubhouse so our first supply is already covered."