Marriage rates plummet as Cubs fans utilize ‘Epstein Theory’ to obtain younger talent
"You know, I really appreciate what Brit has done for us. But this oranization is trying to get younger," said one fan. "I see a lot of talent out there that will cost me a lot less and offer more years of control."
Packers fans livid after Bears-Packers game scheduled during prime hunting season
Green Bay fans are expected to make the pilgrimage to Soldier Field this weekend. One fan, Joseph Willhelm of Fond du Lac, offered his solution: "I plan to shoot deer as I see 'em on I-90, from my window. Don't worry, I'll pick up the carcasses on the way back up."
Closer look at Mayan calendar reveals world will only end if Packers beat Bears...
"We uncovered a link between mass celebrations in the land of the frozen tundra and a cataclysmic earthquake that could trigger the apocalypse," said Mesoamerican expert Donald Benson.
Packer fan’s wife to seek asylum during trip to Chicago
"If Stan didn't want this to happen, he never should have taken me to last year's game and dangled civilized society in front of me," she said.
Lions fan born last time Detroit won in Green Bay enjoys first legal beer
"It's kinda weird to think we haven't won at Lambeau in my lifetime," said Benson, who was born in 1991. "Then again, we're pretty terrible. Maybe by the time I retire they'll have broken the streak ... but I doubt it."
New Cubs Schierholtz, Fujikawa promptly put Chicago homes up for sale
“I figure I haven’t hung anything up yet, so there are no holes in the walls,” said Schierholtz. “My dog hasn’t peed anywhere. Why risk it?”
NFL switches to two-hand touch for 2013
Under the collective bargaining agreement reached last night, the NFL will only allow players to use two hands to "tackle" players, no double touches, and if they push too hard, the opposing player's mom will be allowed to yell at them from the window.