Citing a desire to live a normal life that revolves around more than bratwurst and wearing a foam wedge of cheese on her head, Green Bay resident Beth Grendell secretly plans to defect during her trip to Chicago to attend the Bears-Packers game with her husband.

“If Stan didn’t want this to happen, he never should have taken me to last year’s game and dangled civilized society in front of me,” she said. “Did you know every building in Chicago has a bathroom? Indoors?! I also saw a Bears fan who weighed less than 200 pounds and didn’t smell like a deer carcass.”

Grendell hopes to escape from her horrible existence by telling her husband she’s just going to get another beer sometime during the game.

“Then I just keep on walking, right out of the stadium,” she said. “Odds are Stan will be so focused on Aaron Rodgers he won’t even notice I’m gone until halftime. With any luck, I’ll run into a real man from Chicago and then we can spend some time together not talking about how great Wisconsin is compared to every other part of the world.”