There hasn’t been a decision this difficult in Green Bay since the Arby’s opened up next to the Subway last spring. Packer fans everywhere are upset that this week’s Bears-Packers game, which can lead to a division crown, and ultimately lower spousal abuse cases, is happening in the middle of deer, turkey, raccoon and squirrel hunting season.

“We called out the national guard to subdue the angry hordes when antler-less deer season opened last week during the Vikings-Packers game,” said Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker. “Now that that is over, we’ve thrown all kinds of special holidays at the people to take their minds off this weekend’s game. I hope the fans can all celebrate Brett Favre Sexting Day in peace.”

Green Bay fans are expected to make the pilgrimage to Soldier Field this weekend. One fan, Joseph Willhelm of Fond du Lac, offered his solution: “I plan to shoot deer as I see ’em on I-90, from my window. Don’t worry, I’ll pick up the carcasses on the way back up.”

Brew Dreesus