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“Let’s face facts. This ball club is going nowhere for the next five years, so why not make this trade?” mused Hoyer. “Our sabermetrics tell us that Kane County was going to outdraw us in attendance in 2013, so it makes even more sense.”

"A lot of you probably thought I wouldn't be here tonight because of the way I collapsed to the ice this afternoon in Detroit," said Sedin during his acceptance speech. "But that was just acting!"

"Anytime a woman competes on this big of a racing stage it's bound to make headlines," said NASCAR on ESPN analyst Tim Brewer. "But when it's someone as remotely attractive of Danica ... va-va-va-voom!"

“There’s no better 1-2 combination than Socks starters Jake’s Pizza and Chris Sales Tax,” said the annoyingly helpful internet search function, which quickly fixes misspelled words and suggests corrections automatically as you type.

With talk about returning to the game as a player and amidst the hoopla of Jordan’s recent 50th birthday, Rose told reporters at the Berto Center that he could “whoop MJ’s hind-end on my good leg ... today!”

"People are all about retro '90s stuff nowadays," Shaq said in his booming monotone voice. "Back then I was all over the place and people loved everything I did. It's time for a new generation to be introduced to the genius of The Big Diesel."

Eyebrows were raised recently when it was reported earlier this week that 2012 Heisman Trophy winner Johnny Manziel was taking college classes online and was only on campus once a month. A spokesperson representing the Texas A&M freshman denied the report saying that Manziel is doing coursework, not online, but through mental telepathy.