Kidnapped Washington Nationals catcher Wilson Ramos was allowed to make one phone call to the media Thursday night but instead of conveying demands for ransom money or ensuring family members of his own safety, he used the time to make what he felt was a much more serious announcement.

“I have problems of my own concern, yes,” said Ramos. “But our world is left with bigger troubles. These students … These poor souls are left suddenly without purpose. Without assurance that they will be lead forward in the historic tradition of their people. This I cannot stand! Without the leadership they so desire how can this be anything but chaos? Please pray for these students. May they defeat this rebel uprising. May these strong souls achieve everything that they are fighting for.”

The 24-year-old Ramos was kidnapped while playing winter ball in his home country of Venezuela, where ballplayer-for-ransom kidnappings are a very regular occurrence. He was last seen being pulled into a black SUV. Friends and family say that Ramos has no ties to the Penn State program and that they have never even observed him watching college football.

“Willie does not speak English well,” said Ramos’ mother. “But I know he saw the upturned cars and candlelight vigils and felt that the situation was much more dire than his own. I can only hope that my boy never finds out the horrible, horrible truth about this. And also about the Vancouver riots, which he has not shut up about for the past year.”

By Dan Bradley

Bandwagon Dan