After four solid days of 24-hour television and radio coverage focusing almost entirely on the sexual abuse cover up at Penn State University, most—if not all—of ESPN’s personalities have forgotten their initial charge of broadcasting actual sport.
Since Monday, the only thing followers of the network have heard is wall-to-wall coverage of the egregious acts of Penn State employees and the attempts to hide them. In the meantime, an NFL game has been played, the MLB hot stove continues to burn, the NHL season goes on, college basketball has begun and the NBA lockout continues.
When asked to comment on the countless ways he’s attempted to cover the same story, Mike Greenberg of ESPN’s Mike & Mike radio program stated, “Let’s just talk about a point one minute that I think hasn’t been emphasized enough. Did you know Penn State’s mascot is a Nittany Lion? Those are the lions that once roamed around Mount Nittany—near Penn State. Joe Paterno once took a picnic there. Coincidence? I think not.”
When further pressed about his views on the beginning of the college basketball season, Greenberg stated, “I’m not real sure what ‘basketball’ is. But I do know the word ‘college’—because that’s what Penn State is. Speaking of Penn State, did you hear about Paterno?”
Apparently, the epidemic has overtaken all ESPN employees. Network President George Bodenheimer issued the following statement:
“With our incessant, non-stop coverage of the scandal, I’m afraid we’ve forgotten how to cover actual sports. As we speak, most of our personalities are relearning sports as a basic concept so that they may broadcast them once again. Except for Skip Bayless. We don’t think he ever knew anything about sports in the first place.”