Future Pro Bowls cancelled after poor showing at Roger Goodell’s Pro Bowl viewing party
“Everybody’s always talking about their awesome Super Bowl parties, but I always have to be at the actual Super Bowl,” said NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. “I thought maybe we could start a new tradition and make Pro Bowl Sunday like the new Super Bowl Sunday. I even made my own guacamole.”
Fans’ opinion of Suh tanks even more after he saves annoying ’80s comedian from...
When Suh and the washed-up funnyman Louie Anderson finally beached themselves poolside they were greeted with a chorus of jeers and boos that wouldn't be out of place at Soldier Field. "Let him drown!" shouted one observer. "Louie hasn't done anything worthwhile since 'Coming to America'!"
New Orleans prostitutes to charge extra for Kaepernicking
"With the popularity of Kaepernicking and the sheer volume of customers that come through here during game week, we could be looking at a few grand a night for simply kissing a guy's bicep tattoo. The price is actually triple if the tattoo is located anywhere besides the bicep."
Ryan brothers hold their own ‘Bro Bowl’ over electric football game in dad’s basement
"I guarantee I'm going to win the Bro Bowl," Rex boasted during the pregame spread of chicken wings, nachos and Budweiser. "With Mark Sanchez as my triple-threat quarterback, there's no way my hack of a brother can take me down!"
Beyoncé studying old Milli Vanilli videos as prep for Super Bowl
"This will be better than Madonna, Ashlee Simpson and Milli Vanilli all rolled up into one," she said. "I've been studying 'Blame it on the Rain' for weeks and I think I can top it."
Silverdome owner requests historical marker to celebrate site of NFL’s greatest fan brawls
"We've petitioned the state government to receive historical status for the Silverdome," said a spokesman. "As the home of the Lions for nearly 30 years, it's been the site of some of sport's ugliest drunken fan brawls ever. Also a few awesome Barry Sanders runs!"
Carimi seeks permission to convert Halas Hall weight room into studio apartment
“People said I should live in the weight room and here I am," said Carimi. "All I’m asking for is some living quarters."
