NFL

Play along as the Bears visit the ugliest bubble on Earth one more time before the Vikings build a new stadium to befoul with their atrocious roster.

"As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly."

Carl Weathers, master thespian and former Oakland Raider, watches every NFL game from his man cave to compile his weekly Power Rankings exclusively for Heckler readers. Mr. Weathers, despite playing only eight career NFL games, was elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 1980.

The Cubs and Sox tanked, Derrick Rose is out yet again, and the Bears are only a game above .500. Despite this mix of horror and mediocrity, Chicago fans should take solace this Thanksgiving…and be grateful for the good things.

Play a little bingo as the Bears and Rams face off in the Long Bowl aka The Backup Battle aka The QB Controversy Clash!

"I hope Kyle kicks Chris's butt," said Howie. "I've always liked Kyle more. He's just like me, only without the crappy movies like the ones I did. Chris is more like that comedian on Fox's pregame show ... lame and no talent."

"With everything that has been going on this past month, I really wanted an outlet to take my mind off of this unfortunate situation," said Incognito. "And when Adam Sandler called me personally to ask if I wanted to play an obnoxious bully who only repeats the words 'O'Doyle Rules!' while trying to make people weaker than me miserable, I knew I had found that outlet."