Beleaguered Miami Dolphins guard Richie Incognito has announced that he will spend the duration of his suspension, and the offseason, pursuing a career in entertainment. The nine-year NFL veteran further revealed that he has already been cast in his first role in a major motion picture. Incognito, who has been the face of locker room bullying ever since allegations of his constant harassment of second-year tackle Jonathan Martin were released to the media, has officially been selected to play the role of the oldest O’Doyle brother in a remake of Adam Sandler’s comedy classic, “Billy Madison,” which is slated to be released next summer.

“With everything that has been going on this past month, I really wanted an outlet to take my mind off of this unfortunate situation,” said Incognito. “And when Adam Sandler called me personally to ask if I wanted to play an obnoxious bully who only repeats the words ‘O’Doyle Rules!’ while trying to make people weaker than me miserable, I knew I had found that outlet.”

Sandler clarified his casting decision, saying, “Well, to be fair, I picked Incognito because he looks like one of the O’Doyle brothers but, you know, with fewer chromosomes, and he’s clearly experienced at being a terrible a-hole for seemingly no reason. But mainly I chose him because I really wanted to watch him drive a car over a cliff at the end.”

By Jeff GoodSmith

Jeff GoodSmith