NFL

Former Bears center Olin Kreutz announced through his agent Friday that he was leaving the Saints because he “just hasn’t been feeling it.” However, sources close to the Saints staff seem to indicate that Kreutz was indeed “feeling it,” and left because he simply could no longer stand the icy-cold touch of quarterback Drew Brees’ hands on his backside.

In a shocking move sure to have impact throughout the league, the Raiders have decided to shore up their offense by adding Rex Grossman, the former Bears, Texans and now Redskins QB, to their lineup in exchange for their first-round draft picks from 2014-2017.

“I have no doubt in my abilities to boot a ball around,” said Gould. “Sir Alex Ferguson, the Manchester United manager, even told me I have what it takes to be the next Wayne Rooney. I can't say no to that.”

Play along while watching the Bears battle the Bucs in London for some mad reason.

Bears head coach Lovie Smith ponders his ability to read opposing coaches on the sidelines.

“Listen, Martz always gets to be Yoshi. He’s the fastest character with the best handling. I have to race with the Princess," said Cutler. "Unless you’re Tim Tebow, you really can’t know what it’s like trying to win over an NFL locker room using a character in a tiara and a pink dress.”

Following Palmer's trade to the Raiders, fantasy owners everywhere scurried to either add him to an already mediocre stable of quarterbacks or to persuade league competitors that Palmer is a much more lucrative pickup than a middling running back, up and coming wide receiver, or second kicker.