Heckler Comic: Cowboys staying out of Peyton derby
Peyton Manning is on the market, but Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones is perfectly happy with his quarterback.
Chicago police preemptively arrest Brandon Marshall for crime to be named later
“This is all about efficient public service,” said CPD Lieutenant Glenn Kozlowski. “When he comes in on yet another DUI or domestic abuse charge, we’ll have things pretty much ready to go. It also gives us an opportunity to juke the stats if we so choose. So that’s a bonus.”
Goodell absolves Gregg Robinson, admits he used to like Rosie from those Bounty commercials...
NFL commissioner Roger Goodell today absolved former Saints defensive coordinator Gregg Williams of any responsibility for the recent bounty hunting controversy after Williams admitted he was influenced by Rosie from the old Bounty paper towel commercials.
Cardinals ‘not at all concerned’ about bolts and wires protruding from Manning’s neck
Peyton Manning spent six hours at the Arizona Cardinals' training facility Sunday, which coach Ken Whisenhunt described as "very productive," adding that he was "not at all concerned" about the series of large bolts and wires protruding from Manning's surgically repaired neck.
Peyton Manning fired from Manning Passing Academy, enrolls as student
"One of the most popular questions kids always ask is 'Who do you play for?'," said Giants quarterback Eli Manning. "We can't afford to have a guy on staff who can't answer that question. I encouraged him to enroll in our varsity level camp--I'm sure he will pick up some neat tips."
Bears GM Emery vows to uphold team’s tradition of crappy wide receivers
“I’m going to do everything I can to uphold the Bears’ hallowed tradition of horrendous wide receivers," Emery said. "Just really lousy all-around football players.”
Peyton turns to eHarmony for help finding right match
"I saw one of their commercials and thought 'hey, why not me?' I deserve happiness too," said Manning. "They asked me like 40 questions about my health, what kind of wide receivers I like, if I have a favorite jersey color ... it was pretty comprehensive."
