Less than a day after being dumped by the Indianapolis Colts, quarterback Peyton Manning has decided to find his next team using the popular matchmaking site eHarmony.com.
“I saw one of their commercials and thought ‘hey, why not me?’ I deserve happiness too,” said Manning. “They asked me like 40 questions about my health, what kind of wide receivers I like, if I have a favorite jersey color … it was pretty comprehensive.”
Manning has not yet received any matches, but the superstar is hoping eHarmony will help him choose a team he can “finish his career with” that has a common goal of making the Colts rue the day they ever let him slip through their fingers.
“I know a perfect match isn’t about revenge or getting back at a total jerk of an owner, but part of me thinks the right team will understand my intense hatred for Mr. Irsay,” said Manning. “Plus I just got a puppy. I hear being an animal lover is a huge plus when trying to find prospective partners.”