NFL

The Chicago Bears signed free agent Michael Bush on Thursday, but the news was overshadowed by running back Matt Forte’s well-earned graduation from the prestigious Lance Briggs Whining Academy.

"We agreed if I won, it would be spelled Payton with an A," said a relieved Goodell. "If the kid from Dartmouth won, it would have been Peyton with an E."

Hours after Roger Goodell levied massive suspensions to the New Orleans GM, head coach, assistant coach and former defensive coordinator, the NFL commissioner suspended himself -- without pay -- for a year, acknowledging his role in "allowing the Saints bounty system to occur on my watch."

Out with the old and in with the new. The Jets acquired Tim Tebow for draft picks Wednesday, but that was not their only big announcement -- Fireman Ed has been relieved of his duties as crowd cheerleader and will be replaced by “Monsignor Joe” next season.

Manning Watch 2012 ended when Peyton Manning signed a five-year, $96 million contract with the Broncos Tuesday. Denver wasn’t initially seen as a likely candidate to sign the veteran QB, as many NFL analysts predicted the veteran QB would instead sign with the Titans or 49ers, but Manning indicated the main factor in his decision-making process was a “sweet, horse-related mascot.”

Josh McDaniels lies hidden behind all the big name players in the signing of Peyton Manning. The ex-Broncos coach still had a point to prove in Denver. Unbeknownst to most Bronco fans, McDaniels became a subtle influence in bringing Manning to the Mile High City.

Starting next month, the DMV will require all prominent sports celebs in Chicago to take the following courses: Proper etiquette in running from your crashed Lamborghini, avoiding immovable steel objects while you are concussed, and not punching cab drivers in the face 101.