NFL

New Bears GM Phil Emery is drawing fire from fans for using a high-round pick on a guy who's only marginally good at jumping out of a pool, as opposed to former San Diego State DE Jarron Gilbert, a who was picked by Emery's predecessor and remains most famous for an impressive YouTube clip depicting him jumping out of a pool and landing on his feet.

Picked by the Colts with the No. 1 overall selection, Stanford QB Andrew Luck was named the dorkiest top pick of all time, easily topping the two previous most dorky NFL No. 1 overall picks, Iowa QB Randy Duncan (1959) and Ohio State LB Tom Cousineau (1969).

While the NFL Draft is always a spectacle with fans of all teams congregating at Radio City Music Hall and often robustly letting their feelings be heard, Lenny Tortelli of New Jersey pulled of a once impossible feat when he booed the entire nearly four-hour-long event Thursday night.

An earlier game of the Penguins-Flyers playoff series featured 158 penalty minutes, four ejections, superstars Sidney Crosby and Claude Giroux dropping gloves. Facing the possibility of a first round elimination, the Penguins called for reinforcements by adding Steelers Pro Bowl LB James Harrison to their roster.

"One percent of the general managers draft 99% of the players out of Abilene Christian," said Angelo. "Who else will take a chance on these guys? Someone needs to give players from small colleges or with a history of injuries a chance. I have to get back in there."

One would think Lance Briggs would be happy now that he signed a one-year extension last week with the Bears, but he is still upset he’s being overshadowed in the local and national media by Brian Urlacher’s new relationship with Jenny McCarthy. So not to be outdone, Lance was seen last night with Melissa McCarthy at the Bolingbrook Golden Coral.

“I mean, what, what is that?” gasped a Bears fan. “Aside from the blue jersey, white pants and helmet with the ‘C’ logo on it, I barely recognize what Brian Urlacher is wearing up there. I need a martini."