MLB

While most Cubs players took Thursday to enjoy a much-needed day off between their respective series with the Braves and Brewers, ace pitcher Ryan Dempster spent the day working toward his elusive first victory.

Ryan Dempster's glorious return from the DL ended abruptly Thursday night when the Cubs starter broke several bones in his pitching hand after attacking closer Carlos Marmol who once again blew a save for the third time in only five attempts this season.

Ryan Dempster's impression of Will Ferrell's impression of Harry Caray has been forever enshrined in a new baseball card.

Aging prop comic Gallagher and once-funny Dane Cook have both been invited to Cubs camp in Mesa, Ariz., to vie for the role of backup comedic relief to pitcher Ryan Dempster. Staying true to the team’s new philosophy of being deep in each position, team president Theo Epstein issued personal invitations to both comics.

“Coach approached the mound, asked if I was okay and I said ‘I’m fine,’” said Dempster. “And then he goes, ‘But are you okay?’ and I’m like, ‘Aren’t they the same thing?’ He said no, which I disagree with, but I wouldn’t call it a fight.”

"Holy cow! Can you believe that?" Dempster asked in his Harry Caray voice after walking Alex Rodriguez to load the bases in the first. "Imagine if I threw that last pitch on the moon. Maybe it wouldn't have been a foot and a half out of the strike zone."

Cubs Opening Day starter Ryan Dempster had fans and coaches concerned with a putrid April performance, but the prankster has turned it around in May and is now claiming his terrible start was just another in a long series of hoaxes and practical jokes from the prankster.