Ryan Dempster’s glorious return from the DL ended abruptly Thursday night when the Cubs starter broke several bones in his pitching hand after attacking closer Carlos Marmol who once again blew a save for the third time in only five attempts this season.

“I just couldn’t take it,” said Dempster, who is possibly headed to the 60-day DL should his injury require surgery. “I’m normally a pretty easy going guy, but after gutting out eight scoreless innings, on my birthday no less, I got so frustrated that I took it out on Carlos physically. I can’t say I’m sorry about it.”

As the Cubs’ luck would have it, not only was Marmol unhurt in the fracas, but manager Dale Sveum was apparently inspired by his relief pitcher’s ability to take yet another beating and has named him closer for the remainder of the season.

“It just goes to show that nice guys who are good at their job like me tend to finish last,” said Dempster. “Which is kind of how it feels since I joined this team: always finishing last.”

Idea inspired on Facebook by Thomas C.