What could sum up this Cubs season better than the growing stink of apathy? It wasn’t even another argument that occurred during Tuesday’s baseball game – instead, when coach Quade took that walk to the mound to pull Dempster, the pitcher and his manager spent the next 20 minutes debating the definition of “okay,” and whether it was good enough to keep a starter in the game.

“Coach approached the mound, asked if I was okay and I said ‘I’m fine,’” said Dempster. “And then he goes, ‘But are you okay?’ and I’m like, ‘Aren’t they the same thing?’ He said no, which I disagree with, but I wouldn’t call it a fight.”

Things, however, advanced from there. After several minutes, most of the fielders had approached the mound and stood around the two in various states of contemplation. Responses from the players reportedly ranged from Aramis Ramirez declaring that he doesn’t “really know or care,” to Alfonso Soriano explaining that his definition of okay is walking toward fly balls instead of running.

“By the time I came to break it up, Soto was listing some of the various supposed origins of the word,” said home plate umpire Vic Carapazza. “Early Greeks marking their ships ready for sail, the unsuccessful 1840 presidential campaign of Martin Van Buren and how the term was later used to relay battle results during World War Two. Carlos Pena was taking notes. Players had grouped into sides behind either Quade or Dempster. They’d totally forgotten we had a game on.”

The Cubs have cancelled tomorrow’s game in order to devise a color-coded system to determine the “okay-ness” of their pitchers.

By Dan Bradley

Bandwagon Dan