MLB

Longtime friends Bud Selig and Jerry Reinsdorf had a falling out this afternoon while they were watching an episode of Matlock together. According to sources, the two men began arguing about who smelled more like pickles when one of them noticed a "strange odor" in the air.

After stating the Cubs managerial pool was set, the team has slated yet another interview, this time with the ghost of Sparky Anderson. Anderson, who currently sits at 2,194 career wins and three World Series titles, could not be reached for comment, mainly because he died in 2010.

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The season is still six months away, but new White Sox manager Robin Ventura has already been working his magic with the team, teaching them all how to follow through on their swing with one hand, just like he did throughout his successful playing career.

On the heels of another dismal post-season at the plate, New York right fielder Nick Swisher offered assurances to Yankee fans concerned with the club's puzzling move to exercise his $10.5 million option for 2012.

"This was a no-brainer," said Yankees GM Brian Cashman. "The inactive roster poses a challenge to any professional athlete, and Carl has already demonstrated that he is uniquely capable of dealing with the pressures of inactive roster occupancy. He's also intimately familiar with the hospitals in the New York metropolitan area."

"Would I like to be managing the Chicago Cubs? Of course I would," Sandberg told reporters. "But there are other things I can do to help the team. I can sell booze, read tickets or valet park. I'm just waiting for the call."