Disappointing news was handed to Ryne Sandberg two weeks ago when Theo Epstein  indirectly announced that the next manager of the Chicago Cubs would not be the Hall of Famer. Although saddened by the news, Sandberg is not giving up hope of working in Wrigley again.

“Would I like to be managing the Chicago Cubs? Of course I would,” Sandberg told reporters. “But there are other things I can do to help the team. I can sell booze, read tickets or valet park. I’m just waiting for the call.”

Talk is already heating up about Ryno gaining employment in one of the new positions President Epstein has created. Sources in the Cubs front office say Sandberg is on the shortlist for jobs such as trough guardian, Seagull Gladiator, and scoreboard stuntman.

Fans are already anticipating the legend’s return.

When asked which position Sandberg should be hired for, Walter Wysocki said, “Seagull Gladiator. I remember in the ’84 run he was moonlighting as a pigeon fighter on Wabash; impressive stuff. I’m so happy I could see a natural like Ryno work the streets.”