MLB

In a move described as “bush league” across social media outlets, several White Sox staffers began including a #ScrewYu hashtag, unaware they were simply infuriating millions of Japanese voters and inspiring them to vote for Darvish.

If you've had a hot dog at Wrigley Field this season, you may be thinking something tasted different than years past. And you'd be right: no more rat feces!

Fans were shocked to see Koyie Hill back in a Cubs uniform last month after a bevy of injuries to the team’s cadre of catchers. Signed off the Reds’ double-A scrap heap, Hill, who has a lifetime average of .210, eight home runs and seven workable fingers, was just shocked himself to find out that he was wanted back in the Windy City.

"Dempster is brilliant when it comes to pitching," said Cubs President Theo Epstein, "but he really needs to work on his practical jokes. He's been dry for sometime now."

“Like Al Capone, ’Big Paulie’ is known to carry a baseball bat, his weapon of choice to carry out his many hits. He’s also known as the ‘Captain’ among his hitmen.”

Despite Dominican papers saying otherwise, a paternity test taken in April by Pedro Martinez revealed that the New York Yankees are indeed his daddy.

"I don't understand what this guy has to do to get some recognition," said Cubs fan Mitch Campanella. "He can hit for power and walk on water, I think his WAR is already at like 300! Outrageous!"