Cubs pitcher Ryan Dempster must perfect his pie-throwing before he’s traded to another team, team officials said.
The veteran hurler is known for his clubhouse pranks and antics, which are a major asset that will raise his worth for trading, according to the Cubs.
“Dempster is brilliant when it comes to pitching,” said Cubs President Theo Epstein, “but he really needs to work on his practical jokes. He’s been dry for sometime now.”
The last major prank Dempster pulled was when he had the wheels of former Cub Will Ohman’s truck taken off and scattered throughout the team’s spring training facility in 2005.
“He’d better do something quick,” Epstein said. “Like fill my house with sand from North Avenue Beach or something.”
At the very least, Dempster’s going to have to sharpen his infamous pies-in-the-face he gives to rookies so that all of the cream makes it on their faces, and so that none of it gets wasted, the ballclub said.
“I mean, really, what are we gonna get for a guy whose best joke lately has been a whoopee cusion in the dugout?” Epstein said.